Thursday, October 15, 2009

A Glimpse

This entry is pretty much for Bri-nana. You commented about some lines of a poem that I put as my status the other day, so I thought I'd post the whole thing for you to read. I'll warn you now though, it's not going to make you happy. Don't read this if you're already sad. In fact, to cheer you up after I'm also going to include a song that I wrote in High School, that I don't think I ever sang to you. Obviously I can't sing it to you now, but maybe I will when you get home. It's very touching though. I had forgotten about it and ran into it while I was reading old made me and mama cry-but in a good way :) So to start I'll post an old note that you appreciated, which seems rather appropriate for this entry ;)
*Sorry, it wont let me edit properly-so the verses run together :(

Writing to you seems like a dream.
Conversing with one who makes no response,
But gives as much back as I give.
A log of life, of time, of memory.
A dream of a memory of a dream.
The cycle of my dreamer's state.
Pages that mean life, love, despair and hope,
Stories of jokes of emotions,
A record that reaches my spirit.
A thrum by the drum that's the beat of my heart.
Keep my treasure and from it never part,
For in this you glimpse my soul.
Now for the sad one, whose happier lines you read. Take a deep breath. Ready? Ok. Start.
I had rather see your smile,
Than a thousand flowers dancing in the sun.
But my sun is gone now,
And the flowers shrivel, their dancing done.
I had rather hear your voice
Than the chimes of a thousand church bells.
But my bells are silent,
And the silence feels to me as death knells.
I had rather smell your scent
Than a thousand sweet perfumes.
But my incense dwindles,
And your scent is absent in these hollow rooms.
I had rather taste your kindness
Than the comfort of a thousand kindred.
But my kindred cry for me,
And by their empty words I am not fed.
I had rather feel your laughter
Than a thousand warming rays of light.
But my light is darkened
And the hard of the cold is as dark as the night.
I had rather know your spirit,
Than the wisdom of a thousand worlds.
But my world gives no wisdom
And the broken mind on agony curls.
I had rather have your heart
Than a thousand lives to live alone.
But I am alone now,
With nothing but old forgotten tomes.
Ok. Right. Depressing. I know. I'm sorry. I guess I was feeling very lonely, and maybe slightly empathetic toward a character I was writing. But now I'll try to add some sweet to the bitter with the old song :)
Lullaby From Heaven
Sleep now my baby,
For death holds no fear.
All shall be well in the end.
When slandered and broken
All trials you've been through
Atonement the Savior will lend.
The days will go quickly,
The years fly right by
...And my arms fail to hold you for a while.
But if faithful you hold out, forever endure,
Then ne'er shall they fail any more!
Peace now my child,
Still fear not decease.
Reunion will not be so far.
If patient, enduring and humble you stay,
Remain ever more as you are...
Then days will go quickly,
And years fly right by
...While my arms fail to hold you for a time...
Be still, Oh my child, push through til the end
And ne'er shall they fail any more!
Rest now, my darling,
With joy in your heart,
For we'll be together again.
Through trials that seem endless,
Keep whispering still,
My lullaby in your head.
So that days may go quickly,
And years fly right by,
Though my arms fail to hold you during life.
But serve Christ, our Savior,
Be strong and Be true!
And my arms ne'er shall fail any more!
Come now, my baby,
Run into my arms,
And know that you've ne'er been alone.
You've passed through all trials,
How much you've endured!
Now joy celestial is yours!
The days have gone quickly,
The years flew right by,
And now I can hold you once again.
So strong, and so faithful,
You were til the end!
Now we'll be together forever more!
See-that's a happy thought right? I think I meant it to be our Heavenly Mother singing to us... or perhaps a mother who died before she could raise her children here. Either way, I guess its a meloncholy sort of happiness.
Well, that's all for now. Just wanted to share those thoughts-they've been swirling around like bees stuck in my head for days. Maybe this will give them away to escape :)
I love you nana!

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