Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Love At First Flight

The other night around a cozy campfire in a good friends backyard I found myself sitting next to a very charming and attractive young man whom I had never before met. His conversation was enchanting, his stories thrilling, his laughter infectious, and his manner attentive. For several hours I was caught up in his spell and when it finally came time for our departure I was sad to see him go, for he lives pretty far away and I was not sure when I might see him again.

We went our separate ways and as I walked to the car with my younger sister she piped up with a comment along these lines: "Thank goodness, I wanted to leave hours ago but I wasn't about to interupt your flirting."

Shock crossed my face. My what?! "I...I wasn't flirting..." I spluttered, "He was just a very interesting guy and had fantastic stories about his mission that I was greatly interested in, thankyou." I harrumphed my embarrassed self into the drivers seat.

"Whatever." Said she, "you "may not" have been, but he most certainly was. He ignored everyone else who tried to jump into the conversation!"

"That doesn't mean anything..." I replied. It was silent for a few moments. "But he was pretty cute." I winked at her and we both bust up laughing.

Later that night as I dithered and dissected the evening in my head, I had to admit to myself that I had indeed been flirting with the entertaining young gentleman. What does that mean? I thought. I've cut myself off from dating and flirting and all of that. I am preparing for a mission! I don't have time for any of it and I'd only be setting myself and others up for disappointment at this point. No, it's no good. I'll just have to avoid him, or not be as friendly if I see him again, or something...

However, it occured to me later that this reaction is not strictly a result of my preparing for a mission. In fact, it's a bit of a trend I've noticed in my behavior that is slightly horrifying. This trend is that as soon as I discern that I have any attraction for a young, datable man who may be interested in me, I panic. I think of ten thousand reasons why it will never work, why it should never work and why it could never work. Then I pound them out into my behavior and attitudes until it becomes reality and I have chased the boy away. Or at least distanced myself enough to make him believe that I do not have any interest. The problem: I do still like them. Then I harbor these secret crushes as little stunted seedlings of something that could have grown but never did because I poisoned them. See exhibit A:

That's all. This story has no ending because I still have not solved this problem. It's a dillema.


Bri... only she said...

PLEASE tell me you drew that amazingly hysterical piece of ART!!

Careful dear, those are the EXACT same reactions I had when I met my future husband. I'll insert a piece of my journal for your viewing pleasure right here....:

I think I’m in love with Grant. This is ridiculous. I can’t be. You can’t fall in love with someone you barely know. It has to be just a crush. I keep trying to look at this rationally… find out how we are incompatible. It’s awful because even rationally, I like everything about him.

I can’t do this… one, he just got out of a relationship (he’s probably hurting though he hides it very well), two, HE’S HANNAH’S BROTHER!! – for goodness sakes, she would wallop me! Three, he’ll leave this fall and I can’t leave this fall (unless I know it’s what Heavenly Father wants), four, he couldn’t possibly be attracted to me (on any level), five, he’s too amazing for me, six, every other girl in the world who has a brain should be attracted to him – I can’t handle that kind of competition. I’m sure there are many more reasons… right?

There you go... I wrote that in FEBRUARY!!! We were happily married in the temple seven months later. :D

Good luck coming up with those reasons not to date. ;)

Love you!!!


branchedout said...

hmmm, this sounds very much like a repeat of a conversation we had in good old rexburg, about boys, who had hurt us, one we had hurt and one when if we had something different our paths would have changed without question.

Never question your heart only question your mind. thats has become my motto. You know something is up if you have started to rationalize your every move with a boy. Pay attention to your heart and go with it, it often leads you in the right direction. Rachel Doxey is a living of this, she could anaylze anything into the ground but she followed her heart and look where it took her:)

but not all relationshiops lead you down the aisle, nor are they supposed to, but you have try them before you go anywhere:)

KayKay :D said...

Nana- woahwoahwoah, there will be no meeting of future husbands any time in near future. Just so we are clear. But that entry about Granto is SOO cute! Thankyou for sharing that with me!

Hayley- I love you. So much. Thanks for being there for me. <3