A Venture to Remember

A Venture to Remember

Tonight I went walking in memory lane,
Picking flowers from tree's most reminiscent to me.
First blown in with the scent of fresh fallen rain,
Came visions of growing, which taught my closed eyes to see
Lost dreams and lost passions that time has proved vain,
Which had sprung up behind me in the cracks of the lee
Whose shelter I crawled from, and yet I left fain
To explore the forgotten held in my memory.
For then I saw blossoms of laughter and game
And among glowing branches I danced joyous, happy
To remember their shining moments of flame.
My dancing brought me to the shores of a great black sea
Into which I careened with no thought of pain
Until crashing down on my heart and mind came the key
To rememb'ring why I'd no love of the lane
And why stayed so many years in the safe little lee
Hidden, forgetting, with no venture to diegn
Tempt me from imagined invulnerability.
Yet then I was trapped neath the waves of my bane
And suffered full punishment for the things I let be
That could have been succored with a righteous aim
If only I had listened when called upon to see.
A hand reached to grab me from waves that would maim
And laid me upon sweet smelling florets so softly
That I wept from the sudden absence of pain.
I looked up for the savior passionately
And tears stung my eyes for the unforseen gain
Of a friend I'd forgotten lived here in memory.
His smile angelic, he called out my name
And told me he had always been and always would be
The force I could lean on to keep my soul sane
To keep me from wallowing in my own misery.
He took up my hand and together we came,
Through long meadows of flowers each more precious to me
Home by the trial of my memory lane.

Searching Stars

Searching Stars

Sitting in the cooling sand,

While the gloaming settles round us.

Wavelets whisper against the land

As if to still the world with trust.

Here I tell my secrets,

My dreams and all my soul.

Here are all my doubts met,

By a private, comforting lull.

With the sun set all my worries,

Burning rays that brought no peace.

In the silence there's no hurry,

This night to struggle brings a cease.

The stars map out my future

As they appear in the gentle light,

To promised happiness they lure,

Leading me carefully into soft night.

Night that brings tomorrow

With hopes and dreams I've not yet seen.

Night that brings a new day,

With beauty that has not yet been.

...But now I watch it coming

And my heart cries out for yesteryear.

The pain in truth is numbing...

The future should not bring me fear.

But the sun comes in the morning

And sheds its light on all my days

...There's no hiding from the mourning.

It will find me no matter where I stay.

And those daylight hours will burn me,

Though my mind stays in the night

And I can only pretend to be free

When surrounded by the twilight.

Yet sit in cooling sands I will

And let my troubles seep

Out of my mind and fingers til

The night takes me in sleep.

-KristiAnne Atkinson-

A Glimpse

This entry is pretty much for Bri-nana. You commented about some lines of a poem that I put as my status the other day, so I thought I'd post the whole thing for you to read. I'll warn you now though, it's not going to make you happy. Don't read this if you're already sad. In fact, to cheer you up after I'm also going to include a song that I wrote in High School, that I don't think I ever sang to you. Obviously I can't sing it to you now, but maybe I will when you get home. It's very touching though. I had forgotten about it and ran into it while I was reading old poems...it made me and mama cry-but in a good way :) So to start I'll post an old note that you appreciated, which seems rather appropriate for this entry ;)
*Sorry, it wont let me edit properly-so the verses run together :(

Glimpse

Writing to you seems like a dream.

Conversing with one who makes no response,

But gives as much back as I give.

A log of life, of time, of memory.

A dream of a memory of a dream.

The cycle of my dreamer's state.

Pages that mean life, love, despair and hope,

Stories of jokes of emotions,

A record that reaches my spirit.

A thrum by the drum that's the beat of my heart.

Keep my treasure and from it never part,

For in this you glimpse my soul.

Now for the sad one, whose happier lines you read. Take a deep breath. Ready? Ok. Start.

LOSS

I had rather see your smile,

Than a thousand flowers dancing in the sun.

But my sun is gone now,

And the flowers shrivel, their dancing done.

I had rather hear your voice

Than the chimes of a thousand church bells.

But my bells are silent,

And the silence feels to me as death knells.

I had rather smell your scent

Than a thousand sweet perfumes.

But my incense dwindles,

And your scent is absent in these hollow rooms.

I had rather taste your kindness

Than the comfort of a thousand kindred.

But my kindred cry for me,

And by their empty words I am not fed.

I had rather feel your laughter

Than a thousand warming rays of light.

But my light is darkened

And the hard of the cold is as dark as the night.

I had rather know your spirit,

Than the wisdom of a thousand worlds.

But my world gives no wisdom

And the broken mind on agony curls.

I had rather have your heart

Than a thousand lives to live alone.

But I am alone now,

With nothing but old forgotten tomes.

Ok. Right. Depressing. I know. I'm sorry. I guess I was feeling very lonely, and maybe slightly empathetic toward a character I was writing. But now I'll try to add some sweet to the bitter with the old song :)

Lullaby From Heaven

Sleep now my baby,

For death holds no fear.

All shall be well in the end.

When slandered and broken

All trials you've been through

Atonement the Savior will lend.

The days will go quickly,

The years fly right by

...And my arms fail to hold you for a while.

But if faithful you hold out, forever endure,

Then ne'er shall they fail any more!

Peace now my child,

Still fear not decease.

Reunion will not be so far.

If patient, enduring and humble you stay,

Remain ever more as you are...

Then days will go quickly,

And years fly right by

...While my arms fail to hold you for a time...

Be still, Oh my child, push through til the end

And ne'er shall they fail any more!

Rest now, my darling,

With joy in your heart,

For we'll be together again.

Through trials that seem endless,

Keep whispering still,

My lullaby in your head.

So that days may go quickly,

And years fly right by,

Though my arms fail to hold you during life.

But serve Christ, our Savior,

Be strong and Be true!

And my arms ne'er shall fail any more!

Come now, my baby,

Run into my arms,

And know that you've ne'er been alone.

You've passed through all trials,

How much you've endured!

Now joy celestial is yours!

The days have gone quickly,

The years flew right by,

And now I can hold you once again.

So strong, and so faithful,

You were til the end!

Now we'll be together forever more!

See-that's a happy thought right? I think I meant it to be our Heavenly Mother singing to us... or perhaps a mother who died before she could raise her children here. Either way, I guess its a meloncholy sort of happiness.

Well, that's all for now. Just wanted to share those thoughts-they've been swirling around like bees stuck in my head for days. Maybe this will give them away to escape :)

I love you nana!

Welcoming in the Hollow Season

I keep getting in trouble for wanting to skip the entire space between Summer and Christmas.

Can you blame me for wanting to jump into the holidays so quickly? I mean, that would mean we wouldn't have to deal with this whole school thing (not that I do anyways), we'd all be together again and we'd get to eat yummy goodies all the time! What's so wrong with that? Plus-there's no music on earth to compare with Christmas music. Seriously. What else makes you feel that happy?

Anywho, I thought to put your minds at ease I would prove that I do actually enjoy the inbetween holidays, and honor them in my own special way. Starting with the one that's coming up in just a little while.

Vicious Villians and Gruesome Ghouls,

Creatures of Myth and Royal Fools,

Children who prance with grubby fat hands,

Be ye warned my friends: Halloween is at Hand!

That was just a fun introduction I made up for you. The real tribute is something I wrote around this time in 2006.

HOLLOW

A glaring face of firelight,

On every doorstep sits.

While children run around all night,

Where have they left their wits?

Insanity of every kind

In hidden eyes doth lurk.

In looking behind masks you'll find

Every person has their quirk,

Which to them this night doth bind,

From it, they cannot shirk.

The devils trickery is this

A 'respite' from the ever good.

Mis-takes are the devils kiss,

For it's with these he ever could

Seduce men into eternal night.

But men follow? Never they would,

If they were strong and longed for light.

image from SheridanInternational

Ok. So I lied. As evidenced, I hate halloween and everything it represents.

But on a more positive note, there is something that comes from dressing up and acting a different character from yourself. A sense of security that can help you to discover things you have been bottling up. Thus acting is such a wonderful thing. And writing, for that matter.

So I don't have a problem with the activites of the holiday so much as the ideas and intentions behind them. All Hallow's Eve was never meant to be a frightening experience or a game. I think turning the sacred holiday for the dead into a mockery of them is something commercialism will have to pay for in the end. I do not really honor this false Halloween and I do not appreciate the joke on the deceased. It's cruel and disgusting in my opinion.

This does not mean that I will not be handing out candy to the little children who come begging at my door or lecturing party-goers about their disrespect for the dead. No, I am not a crone. I will celebrate the holidays as I always do, with some concession to a costume, a trip to the church celebration and an indulgent smile as I fill the neighborhood's pillowcases with junk to rot their teeth. But do I enjoy it? No sir, I do not. Except perhaps, ironically, the pumpkin carving. That's good fun. But Honestly, I would rather skip the whole affair.

Thanksgiving is a much more joyful holiday and I do very much enjoy it. It's just that it comes so close to Christmas that I consider it the pre-feast. The welcoming of the true holiday season. The cutting of the ribbon, if you will. I love starting the Season off with that bang of telling my Savior and my family why I am so grateful for them. This holiday inspires much more uplifting poems, such as this:

TWO ROWS OF ROSES

Two rows of fragrant roses

Lead to an always open door.

Sweet-scented, they invite me

To join their midst's and forever soar.

Two rows of colored roses

Show me home by their splendid blooms.

Bright patterns to allure me

Back to home's happy, peace filled rooms.

Two rows of silk-spun roses

Feel like a lane to hallowed walls,

Where all may enter safely

To be loved in her heavenly halls.

Two rows of laughing roses

Softly entice me to their song.

They call to those who listen

Pleading with them to sing along.

Two rows of sugared roses

Sweetly guide me to the inside

Of my haven in the forest,

Where my happiest mem'ries abide.

image from: ecards.alege.net

So while it's a hate-love relationship, I will make it through these months and I will honor the holidays in their midsts. But if you think I'm going to do it without singing 'I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas,' all along the ride, you're as crazy as those jack-o-lanterns. BWAHAHAHAHA

Farewell to Summer

This was inspired by our end-of-summer family beach trip on labor day. It says more than I could say with stories and memories, so I'll let it speak for me. Read it as a whisper and think of it as the dying summer speaking.

THE OCEAN'S PROMISE

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhh...

I'll tell you the secret

Between the Ocean and me

While her waves pull us softly Out to Sea

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssshhhhhhhhhhh...

It's crucial you're silent

If you want to know why

There's no other place I'd have chosen to die

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssssssshhhhhhhhh...

There's no sound beneath it

And therein lies the key

To understanding the promise 'tween the Ocean and we

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssssssshhhhhhh...

If you're quiet you'll hear it

The Lady Moon's cry

Whose silver lips tell me never a lie

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssssshhhhhhhh...

And you'll understand freedom

That comes without fee

The right to exist, the right simply to be

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssssssshhhhhhhh...

For now comes your answer

Have you figured out why

The Sea is the place I come to take my last sigh?

Pictures from: hickerphotos

Idaho Inspires...

Traci, Bri, Mom and Dad basically this is for you. I have written three poems this year in Idaho (shockingly small amount I know-I've been busy lol) and they are rather...interesting. LOL. So I thought I'd put them on here just for fun so you can tell me what you think, I'd really like to know what anyone thinks they're about so even if your not my sisters or my parents feel free to drop a line. :D

The Violence of Lost Sight and Silence

I lost sight of the Sea,

The Passion of his depths.

His waves still whisper 'love me,'

with their every crashing breath

Yet I do not hear he,

Who will be my evening death.

He breaks the rocks in silence,

Thrashing power, Violence!

I lost sight of the moon,

the longing in his light.

Still he cries his haunting tune,

Mourning, cause he lost the night.

He cannot make me swoon,

He is no striking sight.

He keens his song in silence

Perhaps screaming, Violence!

I lost sight of the wind,

his powerful embrace.

Who with his torrents sinned,

when roughly he caressed my face.

Against that body pinned

I'd still feel naught but lace

And so he soars in silence

Though he's weeping, Violence!

I lost sight of the Earth,

his warm, intimate touch.

The deep rumbling of his mirth

no longer appeals so much.

Shaking his awesome girth

'til his molten sides I clutch'd

but to my ears in silence

he keeps laughing, Violence!

Escape?

I fly on wings of frozen steel

Through sleet that pounds like nails

Accross the icy land I feel

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

My lips are frosted blue with chill

And cannot kiss my love.

The crashing Arctic winds blow shrill

Silence. Silence. Silence.

Colored bleak and lonely mountains

Beneath my listless gaze

Remain unseen, forsaken titans

Ashen. Ashen. Ashen.

No pain, no sorrow visit me

I soar too high above

One thought and goal in mind let be

Away. Away. Away.

Blind Smiles

‘Hello, how are you?’
‘You’re pleasantly tan.’
‘She invited you?’
‘I’m in a band.’
‘I don’t believe you’
‘May I take your hand?’
‘What is with you?’
‘I don’t understand’
‘I could kill you.’
‘Who’s that man?’
‘I can’t believe you!’
‘Then he ran!’
‘Lawyer, are you?’
‘That’s what I’d planned’
‘Can I kiss you?’
‘Let’s play in the sand.’
‘He’s smiling at you.’
‘Well yes, and…?’

Blessings and Memories

As most of you know I wont be going home for Thanksgiving this year, and although I know I'll have a good holiday where ever I end up going the thought has made me extremely homesick. I can't really express how much. So instead of focusing on that, I am counting my blessings everyday as a countdown to turkey day :D It is a trick to come up with something new everyday when I've listed everything I can think of already. ;) So for Bri (she is not going to Vancouver either, this will be both of our first Thanksgivings away from home) and me, I am posting an old poem of mine. I hope my family knows I am there with them in spirit for the holiday! I love you all and hope I see you for Christmas!

Memoria

I ride home on the sun as she sinks beneath the mountains,

And I remember laughter.

My tears dissolve on her flames

And I remember song.

I feel her warmth envelope me

And I remember hope.

I ride home on the sun as she sinks beneath the mountains,

And watch the golden clouds play visions of the living.

My sorrow is drowned in her happiness

And I watch the rivers wink a fond farewell.

I let her light surround me

And watch as the world dissappears in shadow.

I ride home on the sun as she sinks beneath the mountains,

And hear the sighs of children as they are laid to sleep.

My cries are lost in the sound of her music

And I hear the earth say good-bye in the sound of cicada's.

I am filled with the peace of the evening

And I hear the stars shout good morning to the moon.

I ride home on the sun as she sinks beneath the mountains,

And I feel the release of drifting into sleep.

My pain is forgotten in the dreams she leaves behind us,

And I feel the full force of her joy in the night.

I walk into her world of sunshine and silence

And I feel it has all been a dream...