Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Blonde Tails: Mortified with Men

Do blonde's really have more fun? Really?
No, I don't think so. But we can tell one heck of an embarassing story. Or more than one.
Perhaps because obliviousness invites all sorts of odd spectacles into one's life experience, we become magnets for trouble, ridicule and the extraordinary. Which most people consider fun.
Most people aren't blondes.
The only fun from these tales is in the telling of them, trust me.
So enjoy


The other day I was finishing up my run on the Salmon Creek Trail when I espied a familiar face from my institute class emerging from the tree's with a group of rather large and muscular friends.
This particular young man had recently struck up a conversation with the line "You have the most amazingly beautiful eyelashes."
Viewing the meeting through the lens of my past experience with the generally shy breed of young mormon males, I immediately considered him rather eccentric, dashing and debonair. (The beautiful accent helped-though I can't pin down its origin). Here was someone I could easily play along with. A genuine flirt-so to say. So I smiled and playfully batted them at him and we passed a few notes back and forth during class.
I saw him a few times at random events in the weeks following and he would wink and wave or join me for a short conversation.
So, winding down from my run it seemed only natural to me that I ought to say hello my friend. I pulled my headphones out of my ears and ran to join him.
I had noticed the groups of young men in orange suits and vests cleaning up the weeds and debris from the path and really, in the back of my mind, I knew what such groups were.
It never once occurred to me that his group of friends was wearing these vests as well...or that he himself was.
No. The only possibility that entered my oblivious, endorphin happy mind was that I had missed the notice that there was a YSA volunteer group going to clean up the path today-like the one I had joined in on two years ago.
So, jogging up to this group of buff, sharp-eyed men I jovially called out-
"Hey! Is this a volunteer group?"
Completely valley girl style.
Like I said-lots of endorphins.
The group halted as one and turned toward me with dubious and amused expressions.
"Yeeeaaaah..." said my friend, looking me up and down through the corners of his eyes.
There were a few titters from the group.
Then the compatriot closest to my friend coughed loudly into his elbow.
"Cough***we're criminals***cough, cough, cough***"
I quickly continued on with my jog-my pulse racing far faster than before, and fire from the toe of worn out sneakers to the tips of my too-tiny ears.

One afternoon after a trying day of finals at University, I wearily wandered into the Hart Physical Education building, thinking to pound my stresses out on the gym equipment. My head was down and my thoughts were still racing. Every person I passed was possible critic, a hidden foe I had not considered.
I looked up as I entered the locker room to find a face peering intently at mine, as if to divine meaning from the twitch in my eye. He looked at me as though I were a bug squashed on the lense of his glasses. Irritation, confusion, surprise and suspicion-all were present.
"Humph," the noise came out of me of its own volition. I had already had enough. I tossed my head for extra effect. My finals were over-I didn't have to take any more criticism from anyone this day. And I wouldn't. I turned my eyes from his overzealous gaze and marched intently into the locker room. Agrily I stomped down the dark hall, thinking mutinous thoughts as I turned the corner to open my locker
...And froze.
For there in front of me was a rather large quantity of men, in varying degree's of nakedness. My face flushed the color of a cherry tomato as I turned and fled back down the dark hallway to the entrance.
But before I reached the exit I came to an abrupt halt. The boy whom I had snubbed still stood under the frame of the door, looking up at the 'MENS' sign with a bemused and concerned expression.





He did not see me. I tiptoed slowly and silently back into the black hall.
I was not going back out there to face Mr. Critical glare. No siree. No way. Not happening.
But how could I stay in here?
What if another boy needed to leave?
What if they found me here?
What would I say?
I began to pace restlessly.
I stared at the ceiling, hands tangled in my hair-considering yanking it out by the roots.
How did I get myself in these kinds of predicaments?
Why is it that these strange sort of embarrassments seem to happen so constantly to me?
I was muttering frantically to myself when chilvary and concern seem to have taken the better of the boy and he came after me.
I spun around to find him looking down at me with a nervous and somewhat pitying expression.
"Um...are you lost?" He asked.
I couldn't speak.
Shock had me completely wrapped within its icy talons for a full minute before I could embarrassedly choke out a pitiful,
"ya."
"Can I...escort you to the ladies room?" The previously scorned boy graciously offered.
"Please?" I whispered to the ground.
He didn't try to touch me, thank heavens-I may have melted like the wicked witch I had apparently been impersonating. He turned and walked slowly out of the Mens locker room and led me silently to the womens down the hall, glancing back at me cautiously as if afraid I were going to attack.
I released a chagrined 'Thankyou' as he turned away and left me at the door. I ran a full ten miles that day.


See Surrendering Stories-the tale of The Haunter, and From Rock-A-Bye Baby to A Goddess of Chaos for more examples of blonde fun with men. ;)

36 comments:

bricolorful said...

I can completely relate though my husband informs me that I am a brunette; most definitely not a blonde. When I worked at UVU, on a particularly stressful day (I had run down six flights of stairs and then back up two and across the roofs of two buildings to get to the class I was working in a full ten minutes late) I went to take a restroom break and possibly cry a bit. I sipped from the fountain and wearily went to stare at my near tear-stained eyes in the bathroom mirror. I was just sitting there staring into empty eyes wondering why I worked this job when I heard a loud, very unladylike cough from the stalls. Suddenly everything clicked and I saw the urinals behind my reflection. I froze to the spot, breathing hard. I was alone; thank heavens! I started to move, lethargic and panicky at once, to the door of my salvation when it opened before me. There I met my doom whose face held the most incredulous and confused look. I practically tackled him as I ran past to the safety of the Women's latrines.

branchedout said...

I once tried to excuse my self from a room full of men, when a recently scorned ex-boy walked in and instead of standing up and saying excuse me like a lady, I stood up and said excuse... you! quite rudely and then the whole room turned and looked, and I just sat back down invisible once again to the room I was in.

KayKay :D said...

ROFL Thankyou for your empathy stories! :D I am so glad to know I'm not alone here! ;)

chen said...

may the blessing be always with you!! ...............................

DennyR_Guari佳穎 said...

forgive others but not yourself...................................................

Dave in the Couv said...

KK,

Why do we laugh . . . change the name and the story is about you. Yes, I too have taken the wrong door in a rush to relieve nature's urgent business. Mine was at the stake center at the restrooms next to the kitchen. Strange how similar the rooms look until you get to where the stand up urinals should be, and aren't, and then after your mind does a double take, and your face flushes of all color, your body doubles back to the entrance with all haste. Of course, it would be too much to ask for to not meet a well know Sister of your ward going in while your going out. She still looks at me strange every once in a while.

韋于倫成 said...

Necessity is the mother of invention..........................

韋于倫成 said...

Many a true word is spoken in jest..........................

蕙帆ElmoAc said...

不錯唷~我會常常來 >"<..................................................

宗HeidiJ_Sco0穎 said...

Where theres a will theres a way. ............................................................

benjaminga said...

很精彩的部落格 期待你的繼續加油........................................

rosebarrett94 said...

人有兩眼一舌,是為了觀察倍於說話的緣故。..................................................................

劉淑芬 said...

光這幾句話就價值連城了,讀著讀著小弟的眼眶就濕了... .................................................................

RheaTurnbull雯俊 said...

在莫非定律中有項笨蛋定律:「一個組織中的笨蛋,恆大於等於三分之二。」......................................................................

玫友 said...

河水永遠是相同的,可是每一剎那又都是新的。....................................................................

宛真宛真 said...

一個人的價值,應該看他貢獻了什麼,而不是他取得了什麼............................................................

王名仁 said...

當一個人內心能容納兩樣相互衝突的東西,這個人便開始變得有價值了。............................................................

宥妃宥妃 said...

人有兩眼一舌,是為了觀察倍於說話的緣故。............................................................

啟佐啟佐 said...

噴泉的高度,不會超過它的源頭。一個人的事業也是如此,它的成就絕不會超過自己的信念。.................................................................

賢林賢林 said...

nice to know you, and glad to find such a good artical!..................................................................

JasonBirk佳琪 said...

快樂與滿足的秘訣,就在全心全意投注於現在的每一分,每一秒上..................................................

ju吳phe宇te佳ns said...

寫文章需要心情~~期待你再一次的好文章............................................................

倫惟倫惟 said...

Custom makes all things easy~~加油哦..................................................................

莊雅和莊雅和莊雅和 said...

加油來給你灌水 .................................[/url]...............

士凱士凱 said...

做些小善事,說些愛的字句,世界更快樂。..................................................

曾戴山柔曾戴山柔 said...

愛情不是慈善事業,不能隨便施捨。.................................................................

張志亦劉美玲 said...

傻氣的人喜歡給心 雖然每次都被笑了卻得到了別人的心..................................................................

承蔡蔡芸 said...

Learn wisdom by the follies of others.............................................................

初茂一嬌 said...

當最困難的時候,也就是離成功不遠的時候。..................................................

偉曹琬 said...

我是天山,等待一輪明月。......................................................................

承王蓁 said...

成熟,就是有能力適應生活中的模糊。............................................................

廷淑君淑君伸 said...

單純喜歡你的部落格 留個言跟您問聲好~~...............................................................

佳張張張張燕張張張張張 said...

真正的朋友不會把友誼掛在嘴巴上......................................................................

瑰潼 said...

與人相處不妨多用眼睛說話,多用嘴巴思考. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

文岳仲君 said...

路過留言支持~~~..................................................

江仁趙雲虹昆 said...

上班很累,摸個魚輕輕鬆鬆的逛部落