Searching Stars
Sitting in the cooling sand,
While the gloaming settles round us.
Wavelets whisper against the land
As if to still the world with trust.
Here I tell my secrets,
My dreams and all my soul.
Here are all my doubts met,
By a private, comforting lull.
With the sun set all my worries,
Burning rays that brought no peace.
In the silence there's no hurry,
This night to struggle brings a cease.
The stars map out my future
As they appear in the gentle light,
To promised happiness they lure,
Leading me carefully into soft night.
Night that brings tomorrow
With hopes and dreams I've not yet seen.
Night that brings a new day,
With beauty that has not yet been.
...But now I watch it coming
And my heart cries out for yesteryear.
The pain in truth is numbing...
The future should not bring me fear.
But the sun comes in the morning
And sheds its light on all my days
...There's no hiding from the mourning.
It will find me no matter where I stay.
And those daylight hours will burn me,
Though my mind stays in the night
And I can only pretend to be free
When surrounded by the twilight.
Yet sit in cooling sands I will
And let my troubles seep
Out of my mind and fingers til
The night takes me in sleep.
-KristiAnne Atkinson-
1 comment:
That is so beautiful Kristi.
My favorite were the fourth and fifth stanzas. They're like a transition point for your poem. After that the tone of your poetry abruptly changes and I go from being comforted by the lull of the ocean to feelings of anxiety about the future. It's a good transition. It surprises the reader and I like that. I like that you are consistent with your symbols.
I feel what this poem describes sometimes. No control over my own life... the rising and setting of the sun continue without my consent and each day brings more concerns and worries. The only thing I have a little control over is how prepared I'll be to meet the future when it gets here. But since it is so uncertain, it's difficult to know how to prepare.
I think your poem is unfinished and I'll tell you why. I almost feel like as an LDS author, you have a responsibility to end your poem by concluding with returning to the tone in which you started out. Your poem ends quickly with your only comfort being a few short hours of dreams. It reminds me of Dumbledore's statement about not waking Harry because "when we dream we create a world entirely our own." But we know more than the characters in Harry Potter's universe. We have the voice of the spirit to comfort us in the face of uncertainty and to tell us what to do, if we take these still, small, twilight moments to listen. He will help us change our stars to what we envision them to be and help us change ourselves so we can get there.
That's my opinion. Take it or leave it. It is a wonderful work regardless. Thank you for sharing this little piece of your soul.
Post a Comment